Hey Baby!

I wrote out a whole letter. I worked on it for about a week and everything and then I found something and decided to change it all. I wrote this a while back and wanted you to see it but, I never got around to typing it up. Yea, I guess I really am lazy sometimes!  O well..i will be adding in parts that I wrote in the letter anyways tho. So..here it goes. I hope u like it.

theres so much i want to tell you, theres so much you need to know. But, it seems like everytime i go to write my thoughts down like this they get lost. I start to think all at once and its just so hard to write down all my feelings at once. I really hope you know how i feel tho. You know i love you, i dont have to sit here and say it over and over because i know you know i do. In some ways i can see in your eyes that you care for me too, i hope thats not just a show tho. I hope that deep down somwhere you really do care, even though its so hard for you to let me no. I understand that.

I think that for the longest time I just wanted to have someone to love me. I always seen the other so called happy couples and they all made me jealous. I guess because I seen all of that and I wanted it. I guess I just wanted to be happy. I never had that though. I don’t think that I have ever had a boyfriend that really made me happy or made me feel good about myself but then theres you. When we first started talking, I never thought that you would make me feel like I do. I never would have imagined that I would….tell you that I loved you. You make me smile no matter what. Sometimes all you have to do is look at me and I just want to smile, you just give me that special feeling inside that noone has ever given me.  When im around you I feel like I can be myself !! and not be afraid of what you will think of me.  Everytime you touch me I get butterflys, even after all this time. But, in all good things theres always a lot of bad. No matter how good you make me feel and no matter how much I love you…I cant feel like your mine and only mine. This has been one of the hardest years of my life, i havent ever been as stressed out as much as i have been this year. Its been so tough. Seeing you everyday at school knowing that i couldnt have you, knowing that you werent mine..was one of the hardest things. In a way ive felt like youve been mine all along. It seems that no matter what happens you keep comming back to me. I hope you keep comming back to me for ME and not for other things. I know youve said that it wasnt even like that, so i hope that im believing the right thing, that its for me.  Now that were comming close to the end of this year, Im starting to get more and more scared of loseing you. Things like this dont last forever. I know i havent even really dated you...but i feel like weve been a couple for almost a year. And now that were together now, im so happy and scared at the same time. (well, i hope we are together cuz i dont want this to be one of those..im thinking we are together but were not really together type of things..so...if not let me no). I think after the end of this year, if u decide "this isnt working out" right before school starts, that will be the last of us. Its going to be so hard without you, but, you gotta understand its almost been a year and somtimes you cant WAIT around forever. So if u decide its over ...its going to be over for good. So, i hope you keep that in mind.

The sad thing is, ive never felt this way with anyone and right now you are the only thing that makes me smile, you are the only thing that makes me happy. You’re the one person I look forward to talking to every single day.  And because you’re the only thing that makes me happy it seems like maybe that’s why im so terrified of letting go.  It seems like no matter how much you hurt me..i just cant seem to let go and eventually I will have to. Even if im not ready too.

For some reason i found a way to fall in love with you. I dont know how it happened or what u did to make it happen but i did and i fell pretty damn hard to. I didnt know what was happening. I found myself having these wierd feelings, i got butterflys, i would get excited whenever i knew i would see u. I fell in love, and went completely crazy over you. Theres even somthing about the way that u look at me. the way u look into my eyes while were juss sitting there on my couch watching movies, u make me fall even harder every single time u look at me. Its a great feeling and i never want it to go away. The sad part is, ever good thing comes to an end..except in the movies where the girl always gets the guy. To bad im not living the movie life. Not all dreams do come true, and not all girls get the man they want. Its life. Everything happens for a reason. U will be the first guy that will break my heart, but u will be the first one i fell in love with..which means..i will never forget u no matter what. U are my best friend, and u will always be my best friend. I just dont like the whole idea of one day me and you will go back to being just that. I want this to last forever. I think that we could make it more than a year, if we really tried to. I think we could do it honestly. I know i could, u woul djust have to get over the fact that ppl are going to have somthing to say about us...and ur just going to have to ignore that, i just dont think u can..because other ppl are one of the main reasons i had to wait as long as i did.

But, Anyways. Im glad that ive spent this whole year..well almost a year with you. Youve shown me what its like to be really happy with somone. Ive opened up to you so much more than i have to anyone else, i feel like i can talk to you about just about anything. Thats a great feeling. I can tell you my secrets, and fears and i can be myself around you and know that no matter what you will still be here for me. Gosh, i really do love you. But, no letter could explain that to you. I cant find the words to tell you how much i do. but, i hope that u know that.

Lately things have been hard, and you have still been having troubles finding out what you want. Ive been waiting for you for the longest time and ive been hurting for the longest time, and sometimes I really think …” Is love really worth hurting for?” and I really don’t know the answer to that but, I guess I will find out soon enough.  I just know that i dont want to lose u to somone else, i dont want somone to take away my everything. i know that might sound dorky but jamie u are everything to me adn without you i dont know what i would do!  I dont think i could ever have feelings for another person the way that i have feeling for u. I dont want to have to sit back and love you while you are with somone else but still tellin me that you care. I dont want to have to think about all the good things ur telling another girl, i just dont want you to ever leave me i want us to be together cuz baby i know we could do it! but, i guess this letter is about long enough. just make up ur mind do u want me in or out of ur life. i just hope u know that there isnt going to be a u and me if we arent dating. cuz im really tired of it. im tired of hurting im tired of crying..etc. 

I love you!!! My pbear!!